This article about is What to do if someone doesn t like you. The desire to please others is inherent in many of us, and this is generally not a bad thing. Difficulties begin when such a desire becomes obsessive and any conflict or criticism for a long time unbalances us. Why is this happening and what to do if someone doesn t like you?
The desire to please is natural for people. “We all care about the opinions of others about us. People are social animals. We need each other to survive from infancy. The biggest form of punishment for a person is isolation.
To arouse sympathy, we adapt our behavior (and often also appearance), and bring it to a certain “common denominator”. Another thing is that some are too addicted to this and literally “break” themselves to receive approval. And it is hard to experience any manifestation of antipathy from others.
Where Does The Desire To Please Come From?
The roots of this phenomenon often lie in childhood. “The position of the majority of parents and educators is to control, manipulate and create a convenient model for their lives and interactions with the child – no one thinks about the true needs of children, Children just need love, support, and help to discover themselves and their talents, to understand, by their individuality, were to move on and how to build their lives in the future. And children throughout their lives try to earn the love of their parents at the beginning, then others, even as adults.
The more successful and happier your life is, and there is some truth here, Do not make the meaning of life the desire to please others. It is important to learn how to express yourself, show yourself to the world as an individual both personally and professionally, follow your goals, do what is interesting, take care of yourself and develop, and strive for the best version of yourself only if you want to.
If you want to be liked by others, try to understand what this means for you. Perhaps you think that sympathy can only be obtained by agreeing with everyone and giving up your own opinion? Or maybe just showing concern?
“Pleasing others does not mean indulging them, betraying yourself, going against your principles, and creating a life-long cult out of this,” explains Veronika Sysoeva. “It is important to create emotional ties between people, to unite based on common views and interests, to be in a circle of like-minded people – in this case, the chances of success and a happy life increase exponentially.”
However, a pathological passion to arouse sympathy in others can bring problems and disappointment. How to understand that the usual desire to establish contact has grown into a mania? “If they need to please others overrides your true interests and desires, you strive to be liked, bypassing your dignity, emotional state, inner vision, and principles, objectively acting not in your interests – such a craving to please is psychologically unhealthy,” notes Veronika Sysoeva.
But even if the desire to please remains within the norm (when, for example, we want to establish relationships with new colleagues or acquaintances), receiving signals that someone has a dislike for you can be very unpleasant. Let’s figure out how to deal with this.
What To Do If Someone Doesn’t Like You
Accept your feelings about this. To begin with, it is important to understand that it is normal to have unpleasant feelings about the fact that someone doesn t like you.
Based on the universal human need for social connections, your reaction to the fact that someone does not like you is quite normal, if it does not go beyond healthy boundaries. The ability not to react to manifestations of hostility is always an acquired skill. You should learn to consciously balance your need to be liked with the truth of life.
Try to find out what the interlocutor wanted to express. Alas, we are not always able to 100% understand the intentions of another person. If you feel that you are withdrawing into yourself or being defensive, ask yourself what your interlocutor wanted to achieve with this or that statement.
Did he mean to disrespect you? Your brain is trying its best to protect you, so it evaluates the situation as threatening if there is at least some possibility of harm, reminds Olga Romaniv. Therefore, you should not blindly trust your initial reactions, instead, you should ask yourself: For what purpose was this said?
Did your interlocutor want to insult you or discredit your ideas? Often people are not aware of the impact their words have, so in some situations, it may be appropriate to ask this question directly.
You may not have obvious antipathy toward the interlocutor, but there are some problems in communication. “Most often, people tend to exaggerate the personal orientation of the words of others, so it is always important to find out if the words of your opponent apply to you personally or to your ideas.
Take a breath, to de-stress, and ask yourself: “Did this person comment on my idea or me as a person?”. Was this remark a personal attack that needed a solution, or just a disagreement that you can put up with?
Ask yourself why it is important for you in general to please others. Perhaps behind this are problems with self-esteem, “A student syndrome”, limiting beliefs, or childhood trauma. “Here, in general, it will be useful to recognize the presence of an unhealthy need to“ like ”and understand why you need to get rid of it.
The next step is to realize that it’s time to spend your strength, energy, and time on achieving your own goals, and not on the desire to please others, ”advises Veronika Sysoeva.
If you can’t do this on your own, you should contact a psychologist.
Look at the situation with obvious antipathy towards you as a diagnosis of your personality: think about why someone might not like you (maybe you have a difficult character). Examine yourself from different angles: does everyone with whom you communicate do not like you? Probably not. “A lot of people like you, and some people don’t. Will this person’s opinion of you affect your life?
If not, what can you do to get rid of the need to like or even respect this person? And what can you do to remain neutral and not respond to dislike? Olga Romaniv notes. – The more you can accept other people for who they are, not try to correct them or change their minds, but listen with patience and understanding, the more you can move forward towards your goals, regardless of whether someone likes you or No”.
Don’t dwell on the idea that someone doesn’t like you. We are all different: you can make friends with some people, and you can’t make friends with some, but that’s okay. It is important to focus on yourself and your goals and not on what others think of you.
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